Quitting Time

I remember the last day at my previous job.  I remember that on my last day, I stayed past 8pm.  I was cleaning up and making lots of notes for the person who would be handling my duties.  When I was done, I stuck around to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything because if I did, there was no “I’ll get to it on Monday.”  This was it.  I took a look at my surroundings, the office emptied out of all employees, and enjoyed my last moments as an employee of that company.  And I literally enjoyed those moments because I was glad for what I had gone through during this phase of my life, and I was excited to be jumping into a more promising career.

Today was that day for someone else at my current workplace.  Today, he was the one cleaning out his desk, breathing in that stale office air for the last time.  Where was he going?  Nowhere right away but, like I did three years ago, he was planning on making a career change.  There have been several people who’ve quit during my time here, and a good number of them moved on to other careers.

When will my time come?  When will be the day I clean out my desk here?  Will it be 30 years from now, or 3?  And if it’s 3, will it be a career change, or a better job?  I’m stuck in a routine of work and study, and with the baby coming, it will soon be even harder to get off the routine.  I see managers here who’ve put in 20 to 30 years at this job and I wonder, if I become like them, would I be happy?  Would I be satisfied with giving this company 30 years of my life?  I guess 30 years of decent, steady income is something, but it would be an example of the phrase “I work to live.”  The second part of that phrase is “not live to work” but what if my work was something I truly enjoyed?  Then I would work to live, and also live to work.  Work would have meaning and purpose besides being just a source of income.

Best case scenario for me in this career would be to become an actuary, FAS or FCAS to be exact, get promoted every few years, and make several hundred thousand dollars a year as a manager or a vice president.  I don’t think that would be me, but if it was, would I be happy?  I guess that’s where family comes in.  No matter what I did for work, I think the purpose of my life would drastically change once my baby arrives.  Work would be just a source of income and happiness would hinge on my family.  So I guess at that point, I would prefer the steady income for 30 years.

I don’t really have a choice, do I?

Borders Closing

Recently, it was announced that Borders, the rival bookseller of Barnes & Noble, was declaring bankrupcy.  Now, this is not a blog that discusses the details of such news.  However, this has led to the closing of several of its stores, one of which was my study spot.

Granted, recently, I haven’t studied at all.  And before that, I did more studying at the food court.  But there is no doubt that I did the most of my studying at Borders, and also that I was going to continue studying there again this year if the store hadn’t closed.

Have I not bought my share of books and coffee when I was studying?  I may not have bought any books, but I sometimes did buy some food and drinks when I was there for an extended amount of time.  I don’t drink coffee so I bought different types of drinks, some of which were $5 mix of sugar and chemicals with a deceptive fruity name.  Sure, pretzels and cookies were not cheap, but I bought them nonetheless, at least so I can keep my dignity as a paying customer.

Even at my previous residence, before I got my current job and I had just started studying for actuarial exams, I studied at Borders.  My schedule those days was work, Subway, eat in car, without a drink to save money, then into Borders and its water fountain.  I then studied until closing.

Oh Borders, you’ve provided a place for me to study for almost 4 years.  I remember your bathroom stall divider not quite reaching the wall with a reflective surface, enabling me to see the backside of an overweight preteen dropping a deuce.  I would go on with other memories, but I guess they weren’t that memorable.  Studying scenes do not make a good montage in a movie.

Well, I will certainly miss this place.  I would go to Barnes & Noble, but their cafe is set apart from the bookstore, and the store itself does not really have seats for patrons.  I guess it will be food court for me when I go back to the mall to study.  Food court is okay, and everyone around drowning everyone else out in a sea of murmur is actually better for my concentration than one family talking right behind me.  But I will miss Borders.

I hope you come back strong, Borders.  I know you’re having a closing sale right now but I think it will be easier if we just end it here.  No need to prolong the inevitable because Avatar DVD is 20% off.  (Actually I just don’t care to buy anything there.)  Good luck, and I will see you again soon.  Next time, I’ll actually try to buy stuff once in a while so that you don’t end up in this mess.

Not Studying

Back when I took my last actuarial exam in November, I planned on taking a CPCU class by December.  I did not.  The next testing window for that CPCU exam was between January and March.  I even registered for this exam, which cost my company $230.  But I don’t think I will be taking it.  Studying has been so far out of my mind this year, and I don’t know why.  I think work is a big part of it, I’m staying late at work every day, not getting enough sleep, so I’m losing my bus studying time.  But laziness is also definitely a part of it, since I’m not studying on weekends either.  This really is not an important exam – the actuarial exam is.  That exam is in June, and I don’t know if I will be able to get myself ready in time for that exam (with my planned jump back into comedy and all), but I guess I should… try?

You know, blogging on the bus, typing on my Droid keyboard takes much more time than typing on a regular computer, like I am doing now.  But for some reason, I end up writing longer posts on the bus than at home.  Maybe I just have more to say when I’m on a bus.

Inspired by Jayshawn
S.O.D. (Song of the Day):  Sponge – Plowed
G.O.D. (Girl of the Day) – my wife

One Last Hurrah

I’ve mentioned several months ago that I wouldn’t stop doing comedy again.  Well, that didn’t last very long.  The 3-digit system of logging open mics has been unnecessary.

I still get the e-mail sign ups for open mics.  Lately, I’ve seen a couple of Asian sounding last names.  I always pay attention to other Asians in comedy.  I wonder who they are.  Are they rookies?  Are they excited and outgoing, and exactly opposite of me?  I would like to meet them if I could.

As much as I love comedy, living so far away from the City makes it a dedication.  Which should prompt a question, do I really love comedy?  Or is it just an infatuation?  I guess I wouldn’t throw the word “love” around, but I would like to think that I do.

All of those thoughts still bounce around in my brain.  Which is why I will say that I haven’t given up yet.  I get tired of saying this, but I will go back.  I am going back because this may be my last chance.  I may have said that before, too, but I mean it this time.  Once the baby comes, my wife will be staying home with the baby.  I cannot leave for work early in the morning, work all day, then come home at 11pm after doing comedy.  Well, now that I think about it, if things work out, maybe I would be able to do it once a week.  My wife is not an unreasonable person.

But it is still true that free time will be severely cut once the baby comes.  So I will be using these next few months for comedy.  I am crazy busy with work so I can’t do it now, and my parents will be visiting for the entire month of March.  So from April to July, four months, I want to be dedicated to comedy.

One last hurdle to comedy is my exams.  I managed to regain my 16.5 study days per exam session.  I know from past experience that I can’t study and do comedy at the same time.  Do I delay my studies?  If I do, I will lose the study days again.  And the next exam pass will be a biggie – a $5000 raise.  That means everytime I don’t pass an exam, it is costing me $2500.  I would like to pass this first and then do comedy but my baby is not stopping for me.

Well, first thing’s first, I will get this project at work out the door.  Then I will tend to and spend time with my parents.  And come April, we’ll see how I spend my free time.

Updates

This post will be an update on four things, 2 of which I brought up yesterday, and my 2 resolutions for the new year.

1. Presentation went well.  I was a bit nervous but I got through it okay, and my little joke at the end worked as well.  But the downside is that they are expecting me to do more work on it, to improve the original paper that I based the presentation on.  Oh well, better than sucking.

2. I passed the actuarial exam MLC that I took in November.  FINALLY.  I didn’t take an exam in May 2009, failed it in Nov 2009 and May 2010, so this was my first pass in two years.  This means I get reimbursed for the $300 exam fee and also a $1,250 raise.  I also contributed to my division’s Actuarial Cup, which is given to the division with the highest percentage of exam passers.  When I passed 2 exams in 2008, our division did not win the Cup, but it won twice since then while I haven’t contributed.  So if we do not win the Cup this time around, it will continue the trend that when I pass an exam, we will not get the Cup.

3. I have been doing P90X every day so far.  Yesterday was Day 7, which is either a rest day or a take-it-easy day with a DVD called “X Stretch” but I moved up Day 8 schedule up and did Chest & Back yesterday.  I did that so I can do something cardio-based with Sabrina today.  How am I feeling?  My body’s sore.  Lost a few pounds but gained it back.  But I’m going to keep going.  Another important thing is to not do any more overnight shifts at work, so I don’t miss a day.

4. Today is also Day 8 of not smoking.  I think it’s going well.  I don’t want to jinx myself, but I think this could be it.  This could be the quit that works.  Knock on wood.

So four good news to share today.  I hope the goodness continues.

Last Day of the Year

Seeing as how today is the last day of 2010, I decided to postpone talking about “the item” and instead review my life during the past year.  (I did finally get that item, though.)

Compared to the past few years, 2010 was rather unremarkable.  Nothing drastic happened, it was just a continuation of things we’ve been working on, such as just working and saving money.  But here are some highlights I can think of, in no particular order.

House Sold: I’ve had a house under my name since 2005.  Back then, my whole family lived there but everyone moved out and the house was rented out in 2007.  As my parents moved to Korea, it became my responsibility to collect the rent and pay the mortgage.  Luckily, I had a good tenant who always (except once) paid on time and rarely bothered me.  As he was moving out, I had to decide if I should move in, rent it out to someone else, or sell it.  Well, I did not want to get anchored to a house that was even farther away, and I was also afraid of getting a bad tenant who would complain about everything and/or not pay on time.  So we decided to sell.  The first offer came rather quickly and it came from someone who lived in the same complex.  Selling the house this quick had two major advantages: I don’t have to fix it up with new paint and all that, and I wouldn’t be paying mortgage for an empty house.  Oh, and I don’t have to deal with changing names on utilities just to change again when the house gets sold.  It was the most painfree option and that’s what ended up happening.  However, after the contracts got signed I discovered my mortgage rate was going down to a ridiculous 3.125%.  I tried to come up with a way to back out, but even if I did, I would still be looking at unattractive options so I went ahead with the sale.  In hindsight, I think I gave in more than I should have on the price, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.  The process made me think of the phrase “penny wise, dollar stupid” (or something like that).  I pinch pennies and make trips to Kohl’s every time they send us a $10 gift card, but what good is it if I lose thousands or more due to bad real estate negotiations?  Hopefully, when I’m ready to buy a house, I will do a better job at getting a good price.  But in the end, the goal of ridding myself of that house was accomplished.

Exam Disappointments: In 2008, I went 3 for 3 on actuarial exams and 1 for 1 on CPCU exams.  2009, I was 0 for 1 on actuarial exams and 2 for 3 on CPCU exams.  I needed to pass some exams but 2010 was also not a good year for that as I went 0 for 1 on actuarial exams, 1 for 1 on CPCU exams, passed 2 easy econ exams, and failed a hard applied stat online class.  But if I end up passing the second actuarial exam I took in November (results released in one week), I will be happy.

Friendships: There were a bunch of guys I used to drink with in my 20s.  I always felt like a bit of an outsider with that group, and never really fit in.  But two of my closest friends are in that group, and this year, I found myself growing apart from them.  I don’t know if I am being too sensitive but I felt as if I was no longer needed or wanted.  But I am too old to try to fit in where I dont, so I am okay with that.  My wife is my life now, and I’m sure I will grow apart from the friends I do have now, as we all grow old and have kids.  I am thankful for my current set of friends, and that is plenty for me.

Vacations: Seeing as how I’ve lived most of my life saving money, you can be sure I haven’t been to too many vacations in my life.  But this year, my wife and I were able to take a 4-night trip to Punta Cana in Dominican Republic and Las Vegas.  We had a great time and brought back some good memories.

DUI: How can I forget?  This really deserves a post of its own but I’ll go into it briefly here.  I was arrested for DUI (even though I was pulled over for one broken headlight) and lost my driver’s license for 3 months.  I pushed my luck one time too far and the law caught up to me.  It was a dumb mistake, but this could have saved my life down the road so I accepted it.  Now I won’t dare driving after drinking again.  Some learn the easy way, some learn the hard way.  Guess which one I am?

Blogging: I used to blog back when blog wasn’t even a word.  I blogged here and there since then but nothing stuck.  I’ve been blogging on this site daily for two and a half months now without missing a day, so I think this one is for real.  I guess I am officially back in the blogging game.  I wonder when I will finally miss a day?

So I guess all in all, 2010 was not a good year for me.  But that’s okay, since 2008 and 2009 were great years.  Hopefully, 2011 will shift the tide back and prove that 2010 was just a slump.  Tomorrow, I will go into more detail about that.  I guess it would be something like resolutions for the new year.

Back to Studying

It has been two weeks since I took my actuarial exam MLC.  That means I still must wait 6 to 8 more weeks before I get the results.  It is important for me that I pass this exam for a number of reasons.  Here, I will go over them:

1. I already failed this exam twice.  Counting the one time I didn’t take it, that’s three exam sessions without a pass, and this knocked me off the actuarial student track at work.  So instead of geting 27 half days, I only got 10, and that only applies up to the next exam session.  In order to get back on the actuarial student path, I must pass this exam, and then pass exam 4/C in two tries.  But if I pass this, the company gives me the 27 half days for those two tries.

2. I must utilize my VEE credit.  Back in May, when I knew there was a high probability of me failing, I tried to cover my bases.  To become an actuary, one needs not only the exams, but VEEs (Validation by Education something) in Econ, Corporate Finance, and Applied Stat.  Getting two VEEs in one exam session is equivalent to passing one exam, so I tried to get those two VEEs.  I already had Corporate Finance and I was successful in getting Econ but I failed Applied Stat.  In addition, exam MLC is considered to be a “half” exam, since it split about 4 years ago from an original 3/M to become MFE and MLC.  So I need this AND a VEE credit to get credit for a full exam and trigger the scenario detailed above. I already have a VEE credit for this session so if I pass, I get full exam credit. However, if I don’t pass, I’ll have to get another VEE.

3. Exam fee.  Company pays for the first two exam attempts, and then only pays if you pass.  This is my first time I’m in danger of not getting my exam fee reimbursed.  (That’s $300.)

4. Fresh Start.  I’m sick of reading the same material from the same books.  Company provides two study materials per exam and I’ve already used them all. I would much rather start fresh and get new books for a new exam.

Even if I pass this exam, I have six more exams to go, plus 2 online classes and an Applied Stats class. I do not think I will complete all of this but I continue to take exams because each exam passed means more money and more days off work. And if I were to get far enough to earn some letters to stick behind my name on my business cardp? Well, that just opens up more doors if I wanted to move on to a different company. FCAS (Fellow of the Casualty Actuarial Society) is the goal but ACAS (Associate) would be just fine. (Difference between the two is 3 exams.)

Meanwhile, I’m still working on another 4-lettered credential, CPCU (Chartered Property & Casualty Underwriter). I passed 3 of 8 exams so far and I’m studying for my fourth right now. Reaching the halfway point means a $500 bonus ($300 after taxes) so I hope I can get that in one shot.

“Freeeeedommmmm”

When I started researching to actuarial career track 3 years ago, I found an online forum called Actuarial Outpost.  Actuarial students, as well as study manual writing professors and actuarial committee members take part in this forum.  I was pretty active at first, reading up on questions and answers posted by other members about exams and finding jobs.  But as my exam progress took a detour a year ago, I stopped visiting this site.  I was so far behind everyone else, and it just wasn’t helping to see all these questions I had no idea about.

But to do my PAK, I went back and ended up reading up on some people’s thoughts on the exam and, as shown by a thread title that I copied for today’s entry, thoughts on being done with the exam.  Here are some of those thoughts:

“It’s finally over.  Glad to have a life again.”

“It feels so good to be done with this.”

“Freedom!”

“Freedom?  Sure, you’ve seen ‘the outside’ for a few minutes, but all they’re doing is transferring you to a different prison.”

Those sentiments are in line with my prison analogy.  However, far more people were discussing how they did, how they felt they did, which questions were tricky, when will the results be released, how accurate is the PAK, and such.  I also feel the same way as those worriers – exam itself may be over but we will only truly be free (until the next exam) when we officially pass.

I’ve been checking the PAK daily, even though it really will not change anymore, and there is nothing that I can do to feel any more confident about my results.  It is out of my hands now, and I should go on with my life until the official results are released.  Finally, my first weekend after the exam is 2 hours away and I am looking forward to crossing out some of the items on my To Do List (wink, wink).

PAK It Up, PAK It In

Actuarial exams are almost all Scantron-based.  A few of the preliminary exams have been moved over to a computer, but Exam 1 (also called Exam P) is the only exam that lets you know if you passed right away.  All other exams, there is a wait of 7 to 8 weeks for the results.

That is why actuarial students have created PAK.  PAK stands for Popular Answer Key, or Public Answer Key.  Students that memorize their answer choices coming out of the exam submit them to the PAK program, which then provides the students with the most popular answers.  Basic idea is that most popuar answer is, in all likelihood, a correct one.  If 80% of the people chose A, it is probably A.  How can people memorize 30 letters in a row?  Well, some seem to be able to just memorize it, and some others memorize the pattern.  But I believe the most popular way is by storing the numerical values of the letter choices into the calculators.  For example, if your first five answers were AAECB, you would store the number 11543 into the calculator’s memory function.  This method is not allowed by to SOA (Society of Actuaries), but I think most do it regardless, since calculators are rarely checked after your exam.

Anyway, this method has been very accurate in the past, maybe off by 1 or 2 at most.  Unfortunately, 1 or 2 seems to be my margin of error, because even though I got a 20 according to the PAK, I might have gotten a 19, and 18 is not impossible.  Exactly how many you need to pass is not set in stone, but the past few exams have all been 18.  This makes me feel good about my chances, but I have to wait until Christmas (or 2011) to find out for sure.  If I had gotten a score like 22 and up, I can rest easy.  If my score was 16 and under, I can just give up.  But being in this position, with a score that gives me high hopes of passing, will make the next 8 weeks feel like 8 years.

Sleeping on the Edge

Pretty much all my life, I had trouble going to sleep and waking up on time.  Because I never went to sleep unless I had to, I always had that unhealthy habit of waking up late on weekends and, in college, on days without morning classes.  This led to small worries that I would not be able to wake up on my own once I started living on my own but I guess it was maturity that gave me the ability to wake up, albeit at the last possible minute.

I guess this is all because I usually think of sleep as a necessary evil.  Well, not evil but more like a waste of time.  And that attitude is the reason why I’ve spent many nights staying up all night whenever I had to cram for an exam, or finish a paper.  I felt I can function without sleep, and that I can get by for another day.  Well, wen I do that, functioning is less of a problem than… accidentally falling asleep.

Freshman year in college, I had expository writing first period two days of the week.  This is a mandatory class for all freshmen, and attendance is a huge factor in grading.  I missed this class seven times because I either overslept, or fell asleep while trying to stay up all night because I knew I’d passed the point of no return after being awake past a certain time.  I got a solid B in the class anyway though because I had an understanding professor whom I visited every single time right after I missed the class.  I guess I got lucky.

And I got lucky again today because it happened again.  I fell asleep.  I made the mistake of lying down at around 5am, and when I opened my eyes, it was 7:45.  Exam was scheduled to start at 8:30.  Even though I was in a huge rush, I still took a shower out of habit.  This also happened to be the first day of the year when my car windows were frosted.  I don’t like scraping ice from my windshield, so I waited for the defroster.  I guess I’m a little too laid back sometimes.  I left my house at 8:05 and by the time I parked my car, it was 8:50, and it was 8:55 when I finally walked into the exam room.  I knew the proctor takes some time reading over the directions, but I did not expect this to still be going on when I walked in.  Luckily, I arrived just in time to fill out my information on the Scantron sheet and begin the test.  I also happened to not bring my No. 2 pencil on one exam where the proctor did not bring them for the class.  Luckily, he had a spare one.

So I was lucky to have taken the exam without missing any time because 3 hours was not enough to answer 30 questions.  I was able to answer about 18 of them, and if I got them all right, and got a couple of guesses right on top of that, I think I could pass.  All I need is just one more piece of luck.

Walking out of the exam room and back to my car, I lit my cigarette.  I felt freed.  In this sense, this exam was more like a jail than a school.  I was also worried about the results, but I felt more free.  The walk out of the room with a cigarette in my mouth felt like a walk leaving prison, back to society.

I’m free.  With all this free time.  Until the next exam session, that is…