Hiatus Still Going

I can’t say it was completely unexpected, but I haven’t gone back to open mic since my cruise.  My exam is in two weeks and I’ve been putting in a lot of hours to studying.  But this isn’t the end, I will go back.  June 24 at the earliest.

Borders Closing

Recently, it was announced that Borders, the rival bookseller of Barnes & Noble, was declaring bankrupcy.  Now, this is not a blog that discusses the details of such news.  However, this has led to the closing of several of its stores, one of which was my study spot.

Granted, recently, I haven’t studied at all.  And before that, I did more studying at the food court.  But there is no doubt that I did the most of my studying at Borders, and also that I was going to continue studying there again this year if the store hadn’t closed.

Have I not bought my share of books and coffee when I was studying?  I may not have bought any books, but I sometimes did buy some food and drinks when I was there for an extended amount of time.  I don’t drink coffee so I bought different types of drinks, some of which were $5 mix of sugar and chemicals with a deceptive fruity name.  Sure, pretzels and cookies were not cheap, but I bought them nonetheless, at least so I can keep my dignity as a paying customer.

Even at my previous residence, before I got my current job and I had just started studying for actuarial exams, I studied at Borders.  My schedule those days was work, Subway, eat in car, without a drink to save money, then into Borders and its water fountain.  I then studied until closing.

Oh Borders, you’ve provided a place for me to study for almost 4 years.  I remember your bathroom stall divider not quite reaching the wall with a reflective surface, enabling me to see the backside of an overweight preteen dropping a deuce.  I would go on with other memories, but I guess they weren’t that memorable.  Studying scenes do not make a good montage in a movie.

Well, I will certainly miss this place.  I would go to Barnes & Noble, but their cafe is set apart from the bookstore, and the store itself does not really have seats for patrons.  I guess it will be food court for me when I go back to the mall to study.  Food court is okay, and everyone around drowning everyone else out in a sea of murmur is actually better for my concentration than one family talking right behind me.  But I will miss Borders.

I hope you come back strong, Borders.  I know you’re having a closing sale right now but I think it will be easier if we just end it here.  No need to prolong the inevitable because Avatar DVD is 20% off.  (Actually I just don’t care to buy anything there.)  Good luck, and I will see you again soon.  Next time, I’ll actually try to buy stuff once in a while so that you don’t end up in this mess.

Not Studying

Back when I took my last actuarial exam in November, I planned on taking a CPCU class by December.  I did not.  The next testing window for that CPCU exam was between January and March.  I even registered for this exam, which cost my company $230.  But I don’t think I will be taking it.  Studying has been so far out of my mind this year, and I don’t know why.  I think work is a big part of it, I’m staying late at work every day, not getting enough sleep, so I’m losing my bus studying time.  But laziness is also definitely a part of it, since I’m not studying on weekends either.  This really is not an important exam – the actuarial exam is.  That exam is in June, and I don’t know if I will be able to get myself ready in time for that exam (with my planned jump back into comedy and all), but I guess I should… try?

You know, blogging on the bus, typing on my Droid keyboard takes much more time than typing on a regular computer, like I am doing now.  But for some reason, I end up writing longer posts on the bus than at home.  Maybe I just have more to say when I’m on a bus.

Inspired by Jayshawn
S.O.D. (Song of the Day):  Sponge – Plowed
G.O.D. (Girl of the Day) – my wife

One Last Hurrah

I’ve mentioned several months ago that I wouldn’t stop doing comedy again.  Well, that didn’t last very long.  The 3-digit system of logging open mics has been unnecessary.

I still get the e-mail sign ups for open mics.  Lately, I’ve seen a couple of Asian sounding last names.  I always pay attention to other Asians in comedy.  I wonder who they are.  Are they rookies?  Are they excited and outgoing, and exactly opposite of me?  I would like to meet them if I could.

As much as I love comedy, living so far away from the City makes it a dedication.  Which should prompt a question, do I really love comedy?  Or is it just an infatuation?  I guess I wouldn’t throw the word “love” around, but I would like to think that I do.

All of those thoughts still bounce around in my brain.  Which is why I will say that I haven’t given up yet.  I get tired of saying this, but I will go back.  I am going back because this may be my last chance.  I may have said that before, too, but I mean it this time.  Once the baby comes, my wife will be staying home with the baby.  I cannot leave for work early in the morning, work all day, then come home at 11pm after doing comedy.  Well, now that I think about it, if things work out, maybe I would be able to do it once a week.  My wife is not an unreasonable person.

But it is still true that free time will be severely cut once the baby comes.  So I will be using these next few months for comedy.  I am crazy busy with work so I can’t do it now, and my parents will be visiting for the entire month of March.  So from April to July, four months, I want to be dedicated to comedy.

One last hurdle to comedy is my exams.  I managed to regain my 16.5 study days per exam session.  I know from past experience that I can’t study and do comedy at the same time.  Do I delay my studies?  If I do, I will lose the study days again.  And the next exam pass will be a biggie – a $5000 raise.  That means everytime I don’t pass an exam, it is costing me $2500.  I would like to pass this first and then do comedy but my baby is not stopping for me.

Well, first thing’s first, I will get this project at work out the door.  Then I will tend to and spend time with my parents.  And come April, we’ll see how I spend my free time.

Back to Studying

It has been two weeks since I took my actuarial exam MLC.  That means I still must wait 6 to 8 more weeks before I get the results.  It is important for me that I pass this exam for a number of reasons.  Here, I will go over them:

1. I already failed this exam twice.  Counting the one time I didn’t take it, that’s three exam sessions without a pass, and this knocked me off the actuarial student track at work.  So instead of geting 27 half days, I only got 10, and that only applies up to the next exam session.  In order to get back on the actuarial student path, I must pass this exam, and then pass exam 4/C in two tries.  But if I pass this, the company gives me the 27 half days for those two tries.

2. I must utilize my VEE credit.  Back in May, when I knew there was a high probability of me failing, I tried to cover my bases.  To become an actuary, one needs not only the exams, but VEEs (Validation by Education something) in Econ, Corporate Finance, and Applied Stat.  Getting two VEEs in one exam session is equivalent to passing one exam, so I tried to get those two VEEs.  I already had Corporate Finance and I was successful in getting Econ but I failed Applied Stat.  In addition, exam MLC is considered to be a “half” exam, since it split about 4 years ago from an original 3/M to become MFE and MLC.  So I need this AND a VEE credit to get credit for a full exam and trigger the scenario detailed above. I already have a VEE credit for this session so if I pass, I get full exam credit. However, if I don’t pass, I’ll have to get another VEE.

3. Exam fee.  Company pays for the first two exam attempts, and then only pays if you pass.  This is my first time I’m in danger of not getting my exam fee reimbursed.  (That’s $300.)

4. Fresh Start.  I’m sick of reading the same material from the same books.  Company provides two study materials per exam and I’ve already used them all. I would much rather start fresh and get new books for a new exam.

Even if I pass this exam, I have six more exams to go, plus 2 online classes and an Applied Stats class. I do not think I will complete all of this but I continue to take exams because each exam passed means more money and more days off work. And if I were to get far enough to earn some letters to stick behind my name on my business cardp? Well, that just opens up more doors if I wanted to move on to a different company. FCAS (Fellow of the Casualty Actuarial Society) is the goal but ACAS (Associate) would be just fine. (Difference between the two is 3 exams.)

Meanwhile, I’m still working on another 4-lettered credential, CPCU (Chartered Property & Casualty Underwriter). I passed 3 of 8 exams so far and I’m studying for my fourth right now. Reaching the halfway point means a $500 bonus ($300 after taxes) so I hope I can get that in one shot.

School or Jail

Studying for actuarial exams makes me feel as if I am in school or in jail.

School is obvious, with the studying connection.  Exam Day is the end of the semester, and I am finally free to do other things on my vacation (such as things on my To Do List).  But I may still do some summer reading or go to summer school (CPCU exam).

Jail: I study for my exams as if I am in jail.  I clear out my social calendar and box myself in.  I cannot be trusted to go venturing into the outside world.  I must remain my cell and study.  Of course, if I did not spend so much time procrastinating, I may not have to be jailed, but that’s the situation for now.  Once exam is done, I am free.  I am released from my self-imposed jail.  I can go visit friends.  I can do comedy.  I can drink.  I can have…

And that freeing moment is about 14 hours away.  Exam is at 8:30am, and should end before noon.  Exam is 10 hours and 15 minutes away.  Take away the travel time, and I have 9 hours left.  Take away getting ready, and I have 8 and a half hours left.  How can I divide this time between study and sleep to maximize my readiness for this exam?  I will probably go with 8 hours studying, and 30 minutes eating.

I’m about to tackle the review problems of the final chapter, after which I will have to review all of the material once again while doing practice questions.  If I fail this exam again, it will be because of the same reason as the previous two times: got started too late.  I am tired of studying this stuff but more importantly, I must pass it this time around in order to get my 13.5 study days next exam session.  Things will get tougher if I do not pass this time around.

The time is near.  I must pass.  I think passing is still within the realm of possibility, so I must do everything I can between now and tomorrow morning.  Wish me luck.

Still Behind Schedule

My wife is sick.  She doesn’t just have a common cold or a flu, she has an infection.  These are times when it is handy to have a wife who is a nurse because she knew she couldn’t just sleep this off.  So today, I had to drive her to the clinic, then to the pharmacy at Shop Rite, where we did some shopping while the medication was being prepared.  Two prescriptions.  Cost?  $190.  Yes, you read that right.  But things worked out because she called the doctor back and he told the pharmacist to get her a cheaper equivalent.  New cost?  $16.  What a difference.  I wonder why the doctor would prescribe such an expensive medication when cheaper alternative is (I assume) just as good.  Maybe doctors get a kickback of some sort?

Anyway, that took up about 3 hours of my time, after which I started doing the laundry.  Every other weekend is a laundry weekend, and it had to be done today or tomorrow.  All 5 loads.  I don’t know why we had so much laundry this time, but that took up quite a bit of my time as well.  Now it has been almost 12 hours since I got up but I haven’t made any significant progress.  I guess now is the time to buckle down and get it done.  Maybe it is time for an all-nighter with a little bit of caffeine.

Pennant Race

The division title is on the line.  I’m in 2nd place, 4 games behind the first place team.  Thankfully, I have a 4-game series with the first place team.  I must win all 4 games, from today to Monday, to force a tiebreaker game on Tuesday.  It won’t be easy.  But I must do it.  I will not beat myself.

By that, I mean I have 4 full days of studying left.  Did not go to work today, and will not go to work on Monday.  Tuesday is the exam.  If I don’t do what I need to do during the next 4 days, passing the exam on Tuesday would be a very long shot.  I have about 92 hours left.  I wonder how many of those hours will be devoted to studying.

The Final Word

One last thing about choosing between studying and comedy is that I’m not very good at my job.  I’ve been working at this company for two and a half years and there is still a lot that I don’t understand.  Even if I were to become an actuary or get a CPCU designation, it doesn’t matter if I don’t know what I’m doing.  So I need to work harder and study harder so that a good safenet can be in place to catch me if I fall while trying to reach my comedy dream.

But enough of this indecisiveness.  Of course, I can’t decide right now, but I’m done with this wishy-washy crap.  I’ve laid out all the different reasons and issues that have been on my mind and that is enough.  I did realize one thing yesterday, and it is that I can’t just do one or the other, as I’ve been doing.  The past few years, I would do comedy for a couple of months after an exam, and stop doing it once I started studying again.  From now on (or after next week’s exam), I will still go out and do comedy at least once a week or two, no matter how much studying I have to do.  And when I don’t have exams to study for, that number would jump to three or four times a week.

Enough of talking about it.  Time to do it.

(But I’ll probably still talk about it.)

Giving 110%

One of the more popular ways people strive to live is to do his or her best, no matter what the endeavor.  Of course, this is much easier said than done.  How many of us can honestly say that they truly gave everything they got at something?  I’m talking about something that is hard to achieve and requires hard work and dedication, not something like beating Super Mario 64.  If we’re talking about school, maybe we could have spent an extra hour per week studying.  Maybe we could have slept one hour less per week.  Without getting any more ambiguous, I am talking about my effort levels in studying and comedy.

I spend a lot of time trying to study.  Notice that I said “trying” because it is very hard for me to stay focused for hours, every single study session.  I dedicate days and weekends to studying because I know I’ll be spending some, if not most, of that time not studying.  Being honest with myself, I would say that out of all the hours I dedicated to studying, such as staying home the entire weekend instead of going out, I actually spend maybe 40% of that time actually focused on studying.  That is a far cry from the 100% and the mythical 110% that athletes talk about.

I don’t know if I can do any better – I don’t know if I have any more motivation in me.  It is easier for me to take that 40% into account and just dedicate more time to studying.  To do this, I have sacraficed spending my time on other things, such as getting stand up comedy experience, going out with friends, and sleep.

Yes, sleep.  I did not sleep on Saturday night, but went to sleep t 10 am on Sunday morning.  I woke up at 2 in the afternoon, and was planning on going to sleep between 10 pm and midnight, but after seeing my lack of progress due to the 40% I talked about above, and the fact that I wasn’t tired or sleepy, I decided to stay up all night.  Well, I ended up falling asleep at 5 am, and was lucky to have gotten up at 7.  I could have been hours late to work, if I could have made it at all.

But if I were to pursue a career in comedy, I would give much more than 40%.  Maybe not 100%, but definitely 80 or 90%.  But which is better?  Giving 40% to achieve a relatively safe goal, or 90% to achieve my ultimate goal?  40% for a likely upper-middle class cubicle life, or 90% for a very, VERY risky career, where 100% may not even be enough?  It is hard for me to even give 40% to my studies, but it would be very easy for me to give 90% to comedy.  In fact, I would enjoy it, as long as I don’t think of the opportunity cost.

This turned out to be just another post expressing my desire to go back into comedy when I originally meant to talk about how little sleep I got this weekend.  Anyway, I hope I can still function at an acceptable level at work today.  Bus ride will be for another 50 minutes so I will now try to catch up on some sleep.  That is, if I can learn to ignore the odor coming from the person sitting next to me.