Rusty & Re-studying

Today I went to open mic for the first time in about a month and a half in order to prepare for the upcoming Last Comic Standing audition.  I’ll only get a chance to go today, Thursday, and Friday, so this is woefully inadequate, but I figured that’s better than nothing.  Since I will only get 2 minutes in the audition, I wanted to pack my best jokes into the first 2 minutes of my 5-minute set while timing myself on stage.  Well, half of my jokes fell flat.  Biggest reason for this is that it had been at least 2 months since I did some of these jokes, and even longer for others.  And I did not remind myself the little details about them that fill out the joke.  I ended up saying things in wrong order, forgetting certain things.  And the biggest thing I forgot would be how to tell these jokes in a funny way.  Another reason is that I went 28th, so there were only about 10 people left in the room when my turn came up – but this is not an excuse at all, let alone a good one, because there will be even less people judging me at the audition.  2?  3?  I don’t know.  I guess stand up comedy is not like riding a bike.

One other thing is that I told a joke that involves implying that Koreans eat dogs.  I forgot to tell it right, and more than implied.  Joke fell flat, and I heard a disgusted “ugh” from the back.  At that moment, I felt bad.  I guess telling a dog eating joke can offend people, and if an offensive joke is not funny, it’s just offensive and nothing else.  I took two things out of the “ugh” incident: 1. you can’t please everyone.  2.  it’s a learning experience.  I will not be telling any ethnic jokes in the audition, so that is okay.  I just have to practice again on Thursday and Friday.  Hopefully that’ll be enough for me to re-familiarize myself with my jokes and being on stage.

At the same time, I’ve begun studying again for my upcoming actuarial exam – same exam that I failed last November.  I really should have started sooner, but retaking the CPCU exam (and laziness) got in the way.  2 months is not enough to prepare for this exam, but I hope to overcome it with diligent studying and hope that I can get through the material faster, since this will be my second time through.  This probably means that after the audition, I won’t go back to open mic until I’m done with the exam.  But would I rather pass exams or become a comedian???  The answer to that is obvious, but how I should divide my time is not.

Auditioning to Fail

I’d like to go a bit deeper into why I am afraid of succeeding in the upcoming Last Comic Standing audition.  This could be a chance of a lifetime.  This may be my ticket to getting a fan base, getting my name out there, get non-open mic gigs, possibly with pay.  All part of a process of becoming a real professional stand-up comedian.  But if I am lucky or good enough to start this process, it will not be in anonymity, which is how I’ve been doing my comedy so far.  I would end up on national TV, even for a few seconds for a single joke.  People will know.  My employer and my co-workers will know.  I would rather not be judged by everyone I know based on my current comedy skills.  And once I am on television and people know of what I’ve been doing, I will be forced (or motivated) to seriously continue down this road at a much quicker pace, and I’m just not sure if I am good enough for that yet.  Succeeding here will begin to knock down a series of dominos, and I am afraid I will not be able to outrun it.

It has also been pretty hard finding time to do comedy these days.  I don’t even remember the last time I did comedy – one month ago, perhaps?  I’ve been getting off late at work, 6:30pm or later, lately and that is too late for me to go into New York, and come back home at a reasonable hour.  Now, work is beginning to ease off, but it is now March.  Meaning, my next actuarial exam is in two months.  This is an important exam for me because I did not pass any exams last year, and I may lose my status on the actuarial track at my work, not to mention a small amount of pressure from my manager.  Do I dare to continue my trip into New York instead of studying?  Or just take a two-month break from comedy?  There is just too much to do, and I am not disciplined enough to really utilize all 24 hours of my day.  But I’ll try.  Again.