Last night, I was one of the first people to board the bus returning home. I took my favorite seat, 3rd row on the right, and saw about 10 more people walk in. That’s when Al Pacino got on the bus. This Al Pacino-lookalike then had the balls to sit next to me. There were at least 5 2-seaters left and he sat next to me. I was considering moving to an open 2-seater but before long, the overhead display showed there were 33 people on the bus. Since there are only 28 2-seaters, there was a chance I wouldn’t get my own so I stayed put. But considering some of those people probably sat together so the chances of Al Pacino and me both getting our own seats was excellent. Yet, he sat next to me.
Having this happen during both legs of my commute was annoying, and that is the reason for me continuing the admittedly boring post from yesterday. I guess I just couldn’t believe that this happened twice in one day, which I don’t believe has ever happened to me before, and it happened right after I complained about it. I guess God has a sense of humor.
But this guy (I would make Scarface references but I have not seen that movie, and making references to Devil’s Advocate, Two For The money, or Ocean’s 13 probably means I’m trying too hard) also invaded my leg space. As I revealed yesterday, my outturned legs require more space for me to be 100% comfortable. I crossed my legs at the ankles to keep them within my side of the seats, but when I moved them to “regular” seating position, with feet flat on the ground, I found that Al Pacino has taken over some of my space. Slightly over half of his right knee was against the seatback of the seat in front of me, not him. I need all the space I can get to get my feet far enough apart so that my knees do not topple over, and this guy was not letting me do that. This matter is really too trivial to be worth saying anything, so I did what I had to do.
I pressed my thighs against his. Not enough to push him back. Just enough for him to feel it. Just enough to say, “hey, that’s far enough, buddy. Why don’t you build your 5-diamond casino hotel elsewhere?” (See, I told you it would feel forced.) I guess this is a passive-agressive manuever but I feel that it is my only option; asking him to move his leg would seem weird and petty. I’ve done this manuever a few times in the past, and sometimes I did this while pretending to be asleep so that the touch doesn’t seem intentional. I didn’t pretend this time but I did fall asleep for 20 minutes or so.
As passengers started getting off at the local stops, he did another thing I don’t like: there were now open 2-seaters all over the bus, but he did not move to any of them. I guess his lack of desire for wanting 2 seats was clearly shown by him sitting next to me in the first place but nevertheless, it was annoying. I had to get him to move. I had to break out the big guns.
I settled myself deeper into the seat and took up a bit more space. This put a bit more pressure against his upper body. By this point, his right knee retreated back over the border, but my thigh was staying right with him like a guy trying to defend Kobe Bryant. Now, this certainly is a rare move, and I don’t remember going this far before. But desperate times, yadda yadda yadda. And it seems to have worked – within a couple of stops, the guy was outta there, moving to an empty 2-seater. It was victory at last, but the war took too long. 10 minutes later, I got off.
But my luck seems to have done a 180 today as I got a seat in the back row, which isn’t actually a 2-seater, but I do have an open seat next to me. My leg is free to live in a land without borders, and it feels good. I also caught an Express bus, and made it just in time, which means I won’t be late for today’s meeting with the VP. I guess this is God’s way of saying, “hey, sorry about yesterday, I was just messing with you. No hard feelings?”
Stand Up: The Blog 